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Archive for the 'Pure sarcasam' Category

Consumerism at its best!

Sunday, December 18th, 2005

For Immediate Release:
Contact: Sarcastic Journalist, PR Yo Mama Games.
So long Barbie and GI Joe! The hottest Christmas items this year are getting real. Fueled by the popular “reality TV” craze of the past few years, Yo Mama Games is unveiling a new line of games just in time for the “Holiday” season!
For the cousin that […]

Insensitive day for everyone!

Wednesday, August 31st, 2005

Ahh, continuing on with the “I love people” thoughts until I can come up with a real post:
From Craigslist.

“I don’t get it…there are thousands of people who need to be rescued and not much time left. Why in this case would the rescuers try to save the babies, the frail elderly folks and sick people […]

No Judgements!

Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005

So, I was sitting on the potty and picked up a free copy of “American Baby” magazine. I got about two pages into the magazine when I came across the letters from readers page.
I saw this:
I was surprised to read your March article “Juggling a Job and Baby.” Each your couples decide to have […]

Observations

Wednesday, July 13th, 2005

According to this site only 50 to 70 percent of parents want to know if they are having a boy or girl. The rest don’t want to know, instead opting to close their eyes while changing the baby’s diaper.
(Don’t EVEN get me started on this test. Five weeks after conception and need to know? Man, […]

What Did Your Vagina Do Today?

Sunday, July 10th, 2005

Many years ago, my stepmother had an accident when a deer ran into her car. She seemed a little upset about it and I joked that life would now be known as BA and AA. Before the Accident and After the Accident.
It is the same way with having kids. My life is now BB and […]

Weight Watcher

Wednesday, June 29th, 2005

Sometimes, I pick up my 24ish pound 11-month old and say “Woah, Chunk!”
Chunky babies are cute. You can snuggle them and grab their little thighs and say “Aww, I love chunky babies.” Note I said babies. Seeing as July 12th will mark the day my child becomes a “toddler” (lets not get into […]

Do Not Scare The White People

Friday, June 17th, 2005

A couple of days ago, I was waiting to go and hang out with Curly Girl when I decided to take a drive through White People Land. Instead of driving around, looking at the pretty trees, I decided to take a tour of Houses That Are So Big The Entire Country of Somalia Could Live […]

The Name Game

Monday, June 13th, 2005

I stood in the bathroom in Orlando while my friend Crystal, we shall call her “The Girl Who Loves Mormons” listened to her voice mail. It seems as if the Mormon of her affection just became an uncle.
I don’t remember the child’s middle name but I won’t forget the first name any time soon: Paris.
Yup, […]

The Post Where I Anger Both Dog and Baby Lovers

Tuesday, June 7th, 2005

When I was little, my grandma told me if I opened an umbrella in the house, snakes would fall out of it.
“A relative” thought that if you tickeled her baby, the baby would grow up to stutter, dashing all hopes of her becoming Miss America.
We were at the grocery store recently at The Hubs snuck […]

Our little Alfalfa

Wednesday, June 1st, 2005

When my fetus was a hypothetical fetus, meaning it was an egg and a sperm, we referred to it as “To Be Determined.”
It worked well in conversations such as “Man, we better start saving money for when we have to put Ellie and To Be Determined in therapy because we’ve screwed them up so much.”
Now […]

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