Archive for the 'mindless rants' Category

Get a life

Friday, November 18th, 2005

I have watched “South Park” for quite some time. Now that I have a kid and stuff, I don’t watch it as often as I used to, most likely because I forget.

But what’s the deal with everyone making a big wahoo because they make fun of Tom Cruise?

Oh my gosh! We can’t make fun of Tom Cruise because he is “powerful” and he might get mad.

Well, Tom, when you jump around on TV like an idiot and blab your mouth off to any newsperson that will listen, I say you’re fair game.

I didn’t see the episode but I read the recap. I didn’t get what the big deal was. Sounds like normal South Park to me.

Hot Topic

Tuesday, June 28th, 2005

What happened on here yesterday surprised me. I know, you think I shouldn’t be surprised, but the arguments that people get into over “hot topics” always leaves me scratching my head.

There are some pregnancy message boards where people post “hot topics” such as breast or bottle, cloth or disposable, snip or don’t.

To me, these aren’t “Hot topics.” They are personal decisions. I wouldn’t belittle someone for only formula feeding– you don’t know the person or their reasons for doing so. I wouldn’t laugh and point and scream at you if you have a drug free labor and I assume you’d give me the same respect regarding my choice for an epidural. Different strokes for different folks.

Ha, so if you …

Girly Man

Thursday, May 26th, 2005

I remember, not long after I gave birth to my daughter, I thought to myself that I wasn’t going to get postpartum depression. I built myself a superioritory castle and threw myself a “No PPD Parade” every day at 4 and 10pm.

Post partum depression, me? Ha!

Boy, was I wrong. What eventually happened was something I did not think possible. It felt like a train hit me head on and my body was left to rot on the side of the tracks.

All the while, I was supposed to take care of my baby. While rotting.

So, you could see that I might get a little irked when Tom I’m-A-Scientologist-That-Jumps-Up-And-Down-On-Oprah’s-Couch
-And-Looks-Like-An-Idiot Cruise tells us that he knows how to cure PPD.

With vitamins!

Hey, everyone! …

Nick and Jessica get their bunions removed!

Monday, May 23rd, 2005

Once upon a time, we’d gather around the television and catch up on our favorite TV family. I don’t know about you, but I secretly wanted to be one of the Huxtable kids. Remember the time that Mr. Cosby/Huxtable made Vanessa and Rudy live in the Basement? Talk about comic genius. I felt like I wanted to walk down those stairs with Theo and laugh at the girls for fighting so much. Man, that Mr. Huxtable just knew how to give out punishments and still have all the problems finished up within 30 minutes.

Well, you’re not going to see anything like that anymore because our television is one big reality tv show nightmare. I swear, when I see …

Golden Rules do not Apply in Blogland, Obviously.

Friday, May 20th, 2005

I’ve seen a topic raised on other blogs, as well as mine, on several occassions. “Why would you put your life out there for everyone to read?” Usually, this is made in a less-than-friendly way such as “Your life sucks, you stupid bitch” or “You are so self-indulgent” or whatnot.

Why would someone think that they know everything about a person because they read a blog? What you read on my site (or anyone else’s) is what they LET you see. Such as you will not know if my husband and I have a disagreement. You do not know what we talk about when we’re lying in bed together. You do not know what I had for breakfast, you do …

Yogurt Magazine

Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005

It seems as if everyone keeps telling me about that book “French Women Don’t Get Fat.” Are you people trying to tell me something? Huh? It seems kind of odd that EVERYONE keeps mentioning it to me.

I swear, if all of you start telling me about the wonders of gastric bypass, we’re going to have some issues to work out.

Anyway, I was over at my grandparents house this week, dropping off food for their dinner (my treat!) and the book came up. My grandma told me that the book discussed yogurt and how you should eat it often. Well, its not going to happen because I hate yogurt. Instead, I feed it to the baby.

So my grandma says that the …

The Buck Stops Here

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005

If you are going to make a blog and fill it full of lies about your so-called life, I want to give you a heads up.

First, if you are going to say that you are having a baby, then perhaps you should research the timeline when it comes to all things pregnant. If you are “due” with your baby on April 1st, I highly doubt it that you would find out you were pregnant via urine test on July 10th. Especially if you said you did the deed on the 4th.

Wow! I mean, most women have to wait a month or so to find out they are pregnant, but you find out within a matter of days? AWESOME! You …

Loaded Weapon

Wednesday, March 16th, 2005

Ladies, have you ever gone to the emergency room/doctor’s office with vomiting and had to get a blood test? Have you ever gone with vomiting even though you have never had sex and had to get the blood test because too many stupid people conceal their pregnancies???

I have. It sucks. I’ve even gone so far as to tell the doctor “Unless I’m the Virgin Mary and this is the baby Jesus, I doubt I am pregnant.”

Well, we can all thank people like this lady for the fun blood test experience.

Now, she went to the emergency room with “cramps.” A few hours later, she had a 5 pound, 14 ounce baby.

I personally believe that it is IMPOSSIBLE to go to full …

I don’t want to be myself, anyway.

Tuesday, November 16th, 2004

There is this commercial about Playtex bras (by the way, I don’t think a bra brand and a tampon brand should be the same name, but whatever.) and there’s this cute skinny chick and she’s happy because Playtex now offers bras in half sizes.

And she wants to thank them for letting her be herself.

I don’t care what you think, but this is a country that is suited for the little boobied person. If you’re not little boobied, then you must be “Plus sized” and that is that.

Bras? For little boobies. Try finding one in a big boobie size that is NORMAL. Bathing suit tops? Either you are a B cup (that is the actual size of the boobie, men) or …

His croonies strike again!

Wednesday, September 29th, 2004

Yee diddly fucking ha! Did you know that I’m a hick dipshit???? Actually, the person who left the comment is a hick dipshit because that is what the email was. Dipshit at aol.com

You ARE a hick dipshit. I feel bad for your daughter. It was the ‘vote for John Kerry show.’ Only complete idiots and sick fucks are voting for Bush. You just can’t see the difference, because you are a texan who went to CCC.

Number one. What the fuck is CCC? Perhaps Colorado Christian University? I WENT THERE FOR ONE FUCKING SEMESTER. Why? Because I don’t live in the “Holy Bubble” and I didn’t plan on “Ring by spring or my money back.”

My MOM made me go there. …

I will be sending this letter.

Tuesday, September 28th, 2004

Note to people in business:

DO NOT PISS ME OFF. DO NOT PISS ME OFF IF I AM PAYING YOU THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.

If you do, your boss will get a letter from me. About you. And I won’t be nice.

A few entries from the letter I will be sending to our realtor’s boss:

…and we feel she has been unprofessional and rude.

…came to our house for the consultation visit, she left her two young children in her car outside. Only when they �got loose� and a neighbor showed up at our door, with one of them crying, did we learn about them. She then let them sit in our living room, only to have her younger one act disruptive. She did nothing …

Never fair, is it?

Thursday, September 23rd, 2004

Remember Save Karyn the website? The chick who spent all that money and then got a website and paid off all her debt?

Good idea, I won’t lie…the website, I mean.

But then she wrote a book. And that makes me mad because I wrote a book and my book hasn’t been published. Sometimes I doubt it will EVER be published.

And now she goes on book tours in Europe and talks about shopping.

HUH??? We writers are a very jealous sort and well, I just don’t think that’s fair. But is life fair? NO.

Somebody get me a damn credit card. I’m gonna spend money and then write a book about it.

Potty mouth in training

Wednesday, September 22nd, 2004

I highly suggest that if you don’t like my constant use of the “MF” term that you don’t click the “wanna read more” link.

Seriously.

MOTHER FUCKER! MOTHER FREAKING FUCKER!

Okie dokie. We live in an apartment, which I lovingly refer to as “The Ghetto.” Why do we live here? Well, because we were on a small time frame and it was cheap.

So, after I moved in, I was talking to my hairdresser who said “Oh! You live there! I know exactly 2,998 people who lived there and hated it because of the management.”

Know why they hated it? BECAUSE THEY DO NOT FILL THE MOTHERFUCKING WORK REQUESTS.

This is not a “my lightbulb is out” request. No, it is a “MY MOTHERFUCKING ONE …

why oh why

Monday, September 20th, 2004

Why do rich fancypants Hollywood people feel the need to go and show off their damn houses? I’m starting to believe that maybe I SHOULDN’T WATCH THESE DAMN SHOWS BECAUSE THEY ARE PISSING ME OFF.

John Travolta has HIS OWN LIVE-IN FLIGHT CREW FOR HIS PLANE. Then he tells Oprah “You have a really wonderful (fill in adj) home.” And she’s all like “Really?”

WIPE THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE, BITCH. You know you have a damn big ass house. You have multiple estates. Many houses. More money than you know what to do with.

And then you act all coy like “Really? My house? Little ol’ me?”

And yet people feel they can be friends with Ms. Little Ol Me and My Big …

This mama isn’t keeping the house fresh and clean.

Wednesday, September 15th, 2004

I. Hate. Wal. Mart. Seriously.

Let me explain why. Anyone who has ever been to a WalMart knows why I hate going to Wal-Mart. They suck. They’re trashy. And always full of trashy, nasty people.

Makes me wanna cover my baby with antiseptic or something when we go. Honestly, when we go to walmart, my husband makes me go home and wash my hands automatically so I don’t get Wal Mart germs.

Seriously. I don’t blame him, really.

But it is the COMMERCIALS. The freaking commericials. So they have these commericials with “A stay at home mom” who is “so busy” and has to “save money” but then they show her going to walmart and stocking up on ugly decorating shit.

“Look! It is a …

Don’t lie. Lies make the baby Jesus cry.

Wednesday, September 15th, 2004

So I’m sitting here, trying to make myself watch The Real World on MTV.

This one girl is so stupid.

“I’ve always been very comfortable with my body, especially my boobs, because they’re not really mine.”

She has fake boobs. So that meant, at one point, she was NOT COMFORTABLE with her body because she decided to get implants. She is one of those people who try out to make herself seem so self assured.

You have fake tatas. If you had been comfortable, well then, you would have flaunted your itty bitty titties with pride.

Well, this is nice and sudden.

Tuesday, September 14th, 2004

Excuse me while I run and hide. I think I need to make myself a big tent in what used to be our dining room, that is, what is supposed to be our dining room but has never been dined in because this apartment just doesn’t work like that.

I’d like to take my blankets, the soft one, not the scratchy one, and place it over the chairs and get in and hide under there with a margarita and a white chocolate mocha.

Is that okay? Is it okay for me to do that?

I’m not sure exactly WHY I feel the need to go and hide. I guess I feel like there is tons to do when really there isn’t. I mean, …

Forward This!

Thursday, September 2nd, 2004

There are sometimes reasons why I hate the Internet. The first is the amount of time it can suck up. Time I could be using to hit that massive pile of dishes we have going in the kitchen.

The other???

Email forwards.

I remember, back in the day, when we all started using the internet, my friends would send me forwards and I would send them emails that basically said “Hello friend. If you would like to still be my friend then you better stop sending this shit.”

And eventually they stopped. Probably because they realized that sending an Email Forward is the cyberspace equivilent of walking into someone’s house and taking a big dump on their couch.

You just don’t do that.

So then, eventually, …

I’m leaving on a jet plane…

Wednesday, August 25th, 2004

I read on IMDB.com that Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt are adopting a baby. Don’t feel like posting the link because, well, I only have a few minutes here. Bleh. Anyway, so the article says they plan on “raising the child in Europe because it is a great place to raise a child” blah blah.

Now, first off, I think Europe is nice. I’ve only been to London and it was for a very short period of time, but I enjoyed it. I’d like to go back to Europe….there are many countries there I’d like to visit.

BUT– it just chaps my hide that it seems like all these American celebrities are like “I want to raise my baby in Europe!” As …

Sick and wrong

Thursday, August 19th, 2004

May you tell me why in the hell this guy got full pension after getting fired FOR MASTURBATING ON THE JOB? Dude, he was a freaking judge.

We all know what they say about good intentions…

Tuesday, July 6th, 2004

Last night, as I was sitting on the toilet (as usual), I all of a sudden felt very sad. I was thinking about now and how very different things are from this time last year.

The hubs was fast asleep in bed and all I could think about was how different things were. This time last year, I had a job that I still mostly liked, a house that I absolutely adored, money to spend…

And here it was, after midnight and I am now sitting on a leaky toilet in the only ghetto apartment in this nice town, knowing damn well I didn’t have anything to do the next day because not only am I unemployed, I am also pregnant.

And I …

shock me, shock me

Friday, July 2nd, 2004

I’m going to say something here that will probably make a lot of people very mad.

Krispy Kreme donuts are good, but they aren’t worth camping out for.

Shocking, isn’t it?

Now, I like Krispy Kreme. I like going to the Krispy Kreme store, which we don’t have here for some reason, and picking out my two donuts and getting a coffee and sitting with the hubs and enjoying a little fattening breakfast.

But long lines that stretch around the block and people camping out and the need for police and such that I hear that comes with a Krispy Kreme opening? GOOD GRIEF, PEOPLE. THEY ARE JUST DONUTS.

Personally, I am a huge fan of Sundale Donuts, which can …

We all know clowns cry on the inside

Monday, June 21st, 2004

Okie dokie, even though I have “technical difficulties,” I just HAD to post about this entry at Jennifer Weiner.

So right. So right. So right on so many levels.

So this guy from The Onion is saying “I normally attract smart, funny girls – but most smart, funny girls don’t tend to be beautiful.”

Um, excuse me???

You better back off, bucko, because this smart and funny gal also happens to not be too bad looking in the looks department.

Yeah, you read that right. I think I’m smart, funny AND GOOD LOOKING. HA! So yeah, I don’t look like Jennifer Aniston, but you know what? She’s had plastic surgery. I sure as hell look a lot better than her “before” pictures. …

The circle of trust starts a mob

Monday, June 14th, 2004

It only makes sense to me that if you want to go and look like a nice, decent, civilized nation—- the best thing you can possiblly do is join a mob. Especially if the mob is against a lesbian movie.

Whatever. Its a stupid movie. If you don’t like the movie, DON’T GO AND SEE IT. Oh…and lets all note that according to the mob leader “women” were complaining about the movie….wonder why the men weren’t?

This reminds me of this TV show I saw last night. You see, our TV still doesn’t have cable so I watch these horrible stations…most are either religious or spanish. But anyway, there was a show on TV last night about why Harry Potter is …

Who is she??

Thursday, May 27th, 2004

So I was trying to find a place in Houston and saw a place on Craigslist that seemed okay. Basically, I emailed the person and asked for a little more info. That’s all I wanted.

Turns out that the chick is an apartment realtor or something. Oh shit.

The lady goes nuts and starts emailing me nonstop. Let’s meet Wednesday! Here’s some places! I want to meet Wednesday! We’ll meet here and I’ll drive you and we’ll do this and that and whatnot!

What? Wait. All I wanted was a little info about this one apartment.

She keeps emailing me.

HI! This is Jovena. Just checking to see if you guys are still coming down Wednesday. Please let me know. …

It literally keeps coming out your ass

Thursday, May 20th, 2004

I think there should be a law where, if someone is asking for experienced advice on a topic, people should not be able to give their own opinions or what they think they’ve heard on it if they do not have experience themselves.

So on the preggo message board, some people wanted to know about the Mirena IUD. Wanted answers from people who have had it and wanted first hand experience.

So, I tell them the truth. I’ve had the thing before. It hurt like hell. Felt like someone was shoving a butcher knife up my cooter and slicing and dicing me just like Freddy Kruger might. Then I spoke of the “mysterious” pain that lasted for SEVEN MONTHS. The pain on …

How many people want to kick some ass?

Thursday, May 20th, 2004

According to the unemployment commission, I am now a stupid, incompetent liar. They called today, wanting to know why I filed some stuff late.

I told her the truth. I didn’t have any idea I was supposed to. I stopped short of calling the original lady on the phone stupid.

It seems as if misunderstandings are not allowed in this state. So the lady says to me “Well, if you didn’t know that you were supposed to file, then why did you just file your update thingies online?”

She kept trying to catch me in a lie. Well, there wasn’t one. Then she got all pissy when I said I was pregnant.

So I may not get those 2 weeks worth of unemployment. …

Stupid ass stupids

Monday, May 17th, 2004

Open letter to the Unemployment Commission:

Dear Assholes,

I filed for my unemployment ONE FUCKING MONTH AGO. Can you count that? ONE FUCKING MONTH. Okay, so you had some woman call me on the phone who seemed unable to talk at a decent volume. I thought I FUCKING UNDERSTOOD what she was saying.

Well, assholes, I called today to politely ask “What the fuck is up with you mothafuckas?” Well, it turns out that YOU’RE NOT GIVING ME UNEMPLOYMENT BECAUSE I WASN’T FILLING OUT SOME STUPID ONLINE FORM EACH WEEK. A form that, obviously, you really didn’t explain to me or OTHERWISE I WOULD BE DOING IT.

So now I’ve broken the law because I didn’t file in the exact moment I was supposed …

Low carb this

Tuesday, May 11th, 2004

I REALLY hate this whole low-carb shiznit. Everywhere I read, or look or even breathe, there is something about how some new item is being low carbed.

Good grief, if you’re going to go on the diet, then eat the damn food that you’re supposed to and stop trying to de-carb everything else.

Coke is coming out with a low-carb option. There are no-dough pizzas. Low carb burgers.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Eat less, eat right and start working out. It’s pretty simple. I’m tired of seeing all this stupid shit being advertised in grocery stores, clogging up the isles. It’s expensive and I bet it tastes like crap, too.

Why don’t you go and eat something …

Adventures at the post office

Thursday, May 6th, 2004

I just got back from the post office.

Every time I go there, I find myself getting pissed off. Then I think “That’s it. I’m blogging about this to get it off my chest once and for all.” But, by the time I leave, I am about to go crazy and I just KNOW that my post would resemble this:

“Stupid ass cocknobblers who stand in line at the post office who don’t know shit and i want to kick with steel toed boots for messing up my afternoon and making me wait.”

And that’s just not very good reading material, is it? You see, the post office should run smoothly. People walk in. Hand the packages to the person behind the …

Useless drivel from useless people

Tuesday, May 4th, 2004

Some people should not be allowed to procreate. I needed a laugh, so I headed on over to the “Pregnancy Boards.”

It turns out that even though these women have now been pregnant FOREVER, they are still incrediably stupid.

1. Lady doesn’t want to take medicine for diabetes because “she might go into early labor.” She doesn’t know it will make her do that. That’s just what she thinks. She’s all sick and crazy b/c she’s not taking the meds. Wants to know what other people think.

2. Idiot lady answers: “I guess bascically if the risk to your life and the baby’s is high without any meds, I would take it.” BASICALLY? GUESS? Okay….

3. Here’s one of those “anyone else” questions. I …

Overexposure alert!

Friday, April 30th, 2004

Okay, I’ve had enough, America. Seriously. Even though I’m not a big fan of Hollywood people, there are SOME that are seriously driving me nuts with their incredible overexposure.

1. Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston. Um, hello? What in the sam hell have they done besides just be stupid? NOBODY CARES. Now Bobby Brown is giving interviews because he’s trying to shop around his reality show. Why are these people still in the news?

2. Britney Spears, aka BS- Pick up this week’s US Weekly. White trash alert. She’s just plain out nasty and skanky and honey, nobody cares anymore. Go to Promises Rehab already.

3. Demi Moore/Ashton Kutchner/Bruce Willis/His weird mouthed girlfriend– Kaballah. Woo freaking hoo. He’s young! She’s old! Bruce Willis …

the oompa loompa toilet bowl cleaner

Wednesday, April 28th, 2004

Is there some magical mystical land out there where people in suits sit around, thinking of items that can be used once and tossed?

Toilet bowl cleaners. Sponges. What the heck? Can you not put your toilet bowl cleaner into a little container to dry the dookie off? Why in the hell do they do these types of things?

What else could we be throwing away? Underwear? “Wear once and never waste money on washing again!” Television? “Watch a TV on a new set every day!”

I seriously don’t understand this. I mean, it’s so crazy that I’m having troubles even THINKING of things that people can waste like this. Why do they make it seem so wonderful?

Oh yeah. These are the same …

It is getting old now.

Thursday, April 22nd, 2004

Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don’t see
But it’s one missed step
You’ll slip before you know it
And there doesn’t seem a way to be redeemed

Though I’ve tried, I’ve fallen…
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don’t come round here
And tell me I told you so

Don’t bark up the wrong tree.

Monday, April 19th, 2004

I was wondering why all these people were visiting my site. I figured someone out there was linking to me, I just wasn’t sure who.

It’s so easy to point fingers and say “fuck you” when you’re not the one with the troubles, isn’t it?

I knew that a few people knew my identity. But I didn’t post it on here. I didn’t post where I lived or who I worked for. It was a risk I took, but at the same time, I didn’t feel that I was in trouble. If I knew that my workplace would see this or had a problem with it, the site would have changed. They had the opportunity to talk to me, they just …

Don’t go there, girlfriend.

Thursday, April 15th, 2004

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. It’s the pregnant woman secret.

I like to cruise through any page where a pregnant woman has posted a picture of her belly and compare. It’s like what I assume guys do when they’re in the locker room. Shut up, you know you do it.

Okay, so I find this one chick’s page and she actually looks pretty good. But then I see her statistics and I want to shoot her.

She’s gained like 36 pounds and is STILL less than 140. Has a 40 inch waist now. And it’s time to give birth. And then I look at her before pictures. Somebody get me a gun. People that thin shouldn’t be …

These are a few of my least favorite things…

Thursday, April 15th, 2004

I know you won’t believe it, but I’m really not in a bad mood. Yet. I’m just me. Bored old me, sitting at work. I mean, come on, my Niece is saying that the hubs is her new best friend and she loves him. that’s good considering we live about 2,000 miles away and she’s only 3.

But, everywhere I look on the internet, I find annoying things. Let’s play “What annoys SJ!”

Oh no, Mr. Smoothie man. Please don’t hurt me!

*Interns who show up every day wearing shorts. If I have to put on pants. so does your stupid ass.
*American Idol. I seriously hate that show.
* The fact that The Apprentice is everywhere. I actually like that show. Overexposure …

In case you didn’t know already….

Thursday, April 15th, 2004

I really hate my place of employment. Seriously.

Okay, first off. They have these stupid little awards that are supposed to boost company morale. So you go and do something “spectacular” (most likely, you’re doing your JOB) and then someone says “Why golly, that was spectacular.” then they sign your name on some paper, they bring you chocolate and some balloons.

Okay two people in the newsroom just got it. FOR DOING THEIR JOB. I’m dead serious. One is an editor who has taken over Gimplicker’s job for the time being. He’s being honored, for what?As a reporter on the Features Staff, HE HAS NEVER EVEN BOTHERED TO SPEAK TO ME. Why? Well, one could be that he just doesn’t like me, …

Baby baby, you’re a bitch

Thursday, April 8th, 2004

I’m sorry, but she’s a bitch. This is just so wrong.

Isn’t it amazing just how many Hollywood people tend to have itty bitty babies? Like, a baby over 6 pounds in the land of nose jobs and The Zone is an act of God?

Well, lookey here. Debra Messing had a baby and woosh, it was only 5 pounds, 14 ounces.

Yes yes, I know that some people have little babies. But from all the normal people I know, most babies are in the 7-8 pound range. The ones who have had 5 pound babies had premature babies.

Too posh to push, hmm??

This angers me to no end. WHY THE FUCK CAN’T THESE BITCHES JUST KEEP THE BABY IN TILL FULL TERM??? …

I dont feel like starting shit, but now I want to

Wednesday, April 7th, 2004

I don’t like to use the term “offensive,” as that is best used by hippies and idiots. But I’m personally finding the newsroom people to be rude.

Someone likes to steal change from the stupid change jar they have up for coffee. So now they’ve put up a sign telling the person how stupid and blah blah they are. Then they say that we can get together to have a fundraiser for a sex change operation so we can MAKE THE PERSON THE WOMAN HE REALLY IS.

Excuse me?

Fuck you. Numero uno. How do you not know a woman is doing this? Well, besides the fact that this newsroom really likes to keep women out of here as much as humanly possible, …

Why I dislike the general public

Monday, April 5th, 2004

You may think that I’m the most gripey person on the face of this Earth, but you don’t have to deal with stupid people all the time.

I’m going to give all yous people a newsflash in case you are EVER contacted by a journalist. WE HAVE LIVES, TOO.

What does that mean? Well, if I call you between the hours of 8-5 or whatever, that means I probably work regular hours. Do not choose to call me back on a Saturday night and leave a message saying you’re available now.

And I don’t give a rats ass if you are available Sunday, either. I’m AT HOME. As in NOT WORKING.

And then don’t say the only other time I can get you is …

Get me a gun

Thursday, April 1st, 2004

“Hi how are you? How are you feeling? Are you okay?”

Well, I was okay until your annoying ass came and bothered me. When the hell will you learn that your incessant asking about my state of being has made me not really like you? Is it the fact that I have stopped turning around when you talk to me, or the fact that I no longer say “hello” to you?

I am pregnant. I do not have cancer or some serious horrible life threatening disease. I don’t fucking ask you how you are just because you are OLD. I don’t just automatically asume that death is knocking on your door right now. So don’t assume that there’s something wrong with ME. …

Shame on you, America.

Wednesday, March 31st, 2004

For the most part, I don’t miss having cable. What I do hate about not having cable, however, is the shit that is on the TV now when we turn it on. Such as last night, when we were eating dinner.

I feel very saddened that the “best” choice out of all those horrible choices was American Idol. I can’t tell you how much I hate that show. Since the beginning, I found the concept to be completely idiotic.

“Oh wow! A bunch of ugly losers from around the country get together, sing some songs and people cheer!” Whoopy freaking doo. It’s like watching a high school talent show, only worse.

You are telling me that THOSE people are supposondly the best …

No responsiblity here!

Wednesday, March 31st, 2004

Of course you’re not responsible for the fact that your toddler eats a diet full of junk food.

Nope, not at all. I mean, if the toddler wants to eat only dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets in front of the TV, well then by golly, the kid should get it. Who cares if the rest of the family is eating at the dinner table?

No….you’re not responsible for the fact that one day this kid is only going to want to have Happy Meals from McDonalds. In fact, you’re not responsible for the fact that you, yourself, drive said kid to the McDonalds each and every day for the heart attack in a bag.

You’re not responsible for not turning the TV off, …

I feel a big fat “screw you” is in order here

Tuesday, March 30th, 2004

Open letter to the “airlines":

You know, if you’re going to call something a bereavement deal, well then, it should be a deal. There’s nothing special about your prices. If someone is needing to get a special deal to fly across the country because someone died or is sick, well then, they probably don’t have a lot of money, do they?

But instead of offering these seats (for a flight TONIGHT) that would otherwise be empty at a reasonable rate, you go and jack up the prices and try to explain why your deals are so special. You don’t care. You get your cheapass tickets because you work there.

You are heartless. IF you want people to continue flying the friendly …

Boys and girls are NOT the same, you retard.

Wednesday, March 24th, 2004

Fumblenuts is a complete idiot. We already knew that. But, he’s being MORE idiotic today than normal.

Yesterday, I wrote a story and referenced a husband and wife writing team. I referred to the husband as Smith and to the wife as Jones-Smith. Get it?

So, we have a quote, by Smith. Fumblenuts is all “I don’t know who said the quote.”

I say “Well, there’s Smith and Jones-Smith. It should be obvious.”

So I go and look at said quote that’s just SO DISTURBING. It freaking says “Smith” on there. What the hell? How in the hell can I make this quote any more clear? Perhaps I should write “Smith, the guy with the penis, not to be confused with his …

Why kids are stupid

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2004

Why children need discipline and why teachers should be able to actually do something to bad children in school.

I just read a website of this 12-year-old girl who has a brain tumor. Yesterday, the kids at her school were chasing her around screaming “Cancer patient!” and trying to hit her in the head with a basketball. They succeeded and, indeed, did hit her. In the head. Where she has a brain tumor.

These are the same kids who intentionally tried to cough on her while she was getting chemo and had a low immune system. Some people could say “Why not take her out of school?”

Sure, take a 12-year-old girl with a brain tumor out of school, out of her …

No really, I’m fine.

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2004

I must have some kind of sign on me that says “Caution, handle with care.” I hate having to get up at work and walk around. I just KNOW it that someone is going to stop me, take a look and then say in a very cautious and overly caring way “How ARE you?”

Well, I’m pregnant. I don’t have lyme disease or some fatal cancer. Just a belly parasite that lives here for 9 months before making it’s dramatic exit. Every time someone asks me this, I kind of get this look on my face where I raise my eyebrows, force a fake smile and say “I’m fine. How are YOU?”

You really don’t want to know how things really are. …

Fun times at email high

Friday, March 19th, 2004

You know what you non-Hotmail email users are missing out on? This stupid blurbs they put on the entry page to hotmail so we will go “ooh! I wanna fuck up my email experience and click on this!”

Por ejemplo: Today, it’s “When celebs ignore you.”

Well, gee. I didn’t know that “celebs” did anything but IGNORE us slimy regular people. I even gave in and clicked on something today, and all it did was bring me to a 5 hour diet coke ad which never ended. And there was no “close” button. In fact, I finally closed out of the page because the ad just kept going and going.

Why does MSN think that I give a flying flipping burrito WHAT hollywood …

Shut up, motherfuckers.

Monday, March 15th, 2004

One of the things I hate most in life are people who beat around the bush. The type who, for some reason, can’t say what they want, they just feel the need to hint and hope you’ll get it.

Well, you know what? Fuck you. if you want something from me, THEN COME OVER HERE AND ASK ME DAMNIT. Don’t send little emails to Fumblenuts and CC it to me and DISCUSS ME IN IT.

Por ejemplo:

“…………due asap (maybe it’s in?)”

No, motherfucker. It’s not in. The damn story is due TUESDAY. Let’s all say it together. Tues-day. Not Monday. Not Sunday. TUESDAY. If you would like to have your retarded story that I don’t give a rats ass about …

Maybe you can reflex your brain?

Monday, March 15th, 2004

I really don’t understand how people can be so stupid, especially when it comes to dealing with the media. I call some people OVER A WEEK AGO and ask to speak to someone there about reflexology for pregnant people for a story.

So someone eventually calls me back and wants to know if I am calling because I want them to place a fucking ad.

Yes, dipshit. I randomly call people and ask for the most obscure topic because I want you to place an ad. I’m trying to give you some freaking free advertising. Don’t be so stupid.

Well, isn’t that a shit in the pants?

Wednesday, March 10th, 2004

If I ever believed in uttering the expression “Oh, Fuck me” (not in a sexual tone) I’d say it right now. (I do, however, say it in my head often and always feel bad about doing so.)

Decided to do a little background research on the agent. Research I SHOULDA done yesterday but didn’t. She has some form of “editing conflict” and “Isn’t recommended.” Well, damnit.

I then get this email from this dance lady. You see, Fumblenuts decided to order me to go to this stupid dance thingie at 6pm tonight. Didn’t ask, just said “okay, go.” So I decide to play along. Turns out this thing is from 6-930. ARE YOU SHITTING ME? You expect me to sit through …

You aren’t really expecting a reply, are you?

Monday, March 8th, 2004

How to make me not like you in 1.3 seconds flat.

#1 ask me if I’d like a “headshot” for my story.
#2 be a crazy Jewish New York bitch.
#3 repeatedly email me, asking if the story has run
#4 when I email you back for the zillionth time telling you i’ll let you know when it runs, ignore me.
#5 keep on emailing, except now type in all caps in the subject line, followed by a zillion ??? marks.

This will go all over the place

Friday, March 5th, 2004

Yesterday, I read a comment over at Java Diva about what makes a good Mom. There are a lot of ways someone can become a good Mom. There is no set magical way where if I go and stand on the hippy stone and eat all organic food and lactate out of my tits for 2.3 years, that I will all of a sudden be the best Mom in the world.

I wrote on there that my Mom is a good Mom. She worked a lot, had a c-section, bottle fed, didn’t join PTA or whatnot, but was still a good Mom. She was there for me. She raised a little SJ and was able to not go crazy …

Yeah, we already knew they did this.

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004

Liberals can suck on it.

What I’ve been saying all along, news sources like CNN slant the news depending on who is president.

5.6% unemployment rate under Clinton? ALREADY LOW.
5.7% unemployment rate under Bush? Oh, that’s a big, huge jump. In fact, people should be jumping out of buildings because it is so high.

And the award for the stupidest awards show goes to….

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004

You may not be able to tell, but I’m about to breathe a collective sigh of relief. Hopefully, all of this Oscar talk will go away. The damn show is over. People wore dresses. Some were pretty, some weren’t. None of those people know how to actually dress themselves, which explains for some of the uglier ones.

Some people won awards. Many more didn’t. The acceptance speeches were boring and the people were boring and the minute of the awards show I saw was BORING.

So why do the news talking heads keep talking about it? Who cares? Why do people give such a rats ass if some overpaid idiot wins some overhyped statue and gets some absurd goodie bag?????

I was home …

I’m riding on a wooden ship and Captain Termite is at the wheel

Monday, March 1st, 2004

I have this feeling that GimpLicker sits at home, on the crapper and comes up with stupid stories he wants me to call people about. That’s the only way I can even conjure up the things he makes me do.

I just got off the phone with a local funeral home. My question? “Uh, what happens to people when they die and there is no family?”

Well gee. If they’re dead and they have noone else, why do any of us care? I know, that’s horrible and I’m sure people do care and no one should die alone, but COME ON, do we really need a front page story about this? Especially when you want ME to write it and take this …

My dissertation on why Sex and the City is stoopid

Monday, March 1st, 2004

ATTENTION MEDIA CONSUMERS OF AMERICA. I have a newsflash for you.

Sex and the City is a television show. Yes, it is. It’s not real life! Carrie isn’t off jaunting around NY with Mr. Big and what’s her face with the blonde hair and ugly face doesn’t really have cancer. Seriously, she doesn’t.

So why do people keep writing about the damn show? I can’t tell you how HAPPY I was that it ended. Seriously. I was so sick of US Magazine writing about the show as if these people really existed.

What gets me is all these women wanting the Sex and the City life. They want free casual sex, anytime, any place. They want $500 shoes and lunches with the …

Really no sarcasam, just an observation

Thursday, February 26th, 2004

Aww, look at those two dead little badasses from Columbine. They were so cool, they had to go and kill a bunch of people and then kill themselves. That just shows just how big of pussies they were by ending it all in that library.

Oh, they were picked on. Yeah, you know what? SO WAS I. It happens. I was miserable, scared. Scared when people called my house with death threats and scared when large groups of girls would surround me after lunch.

But I didn’t go and kill a bunch of people, especially people who didn’t exactly seem like the bully type.

This has nothing to do with Sarcasam. Even though it’s a very moving photo, it almost makes those two …

I take no shit, especially when you smell like shit

Thursday, February 26th, 2004

So gimplicker comes up to me and starts talking about these “A1 stories that blah blah blah.” For those of you who don’t spend your life putting together a newspaper that’s probably most often used to line a birdcage, that means top story, page 1.

He starts going on and on about how we have to contribute. I turn my head in his general direction (I can’t stand to actually look at the MFer now) and I’m like “What in the heck are you talking about?”

“Oh, um, the stories that we all have to do now on page 1 that are local. We have to do these in advance blah blah.”

Okay, fucker. Thanks for telling me about this IN ADVANCE.

So he …

SERIOUSLY PEOPLE. Seriously.

Wednesday, February 25th, 2004

Why do people make such a big stink about things? First off, my husband was reading this recipe magazine yesterday and they have a little section each month called “Find Nan’s Knife” where a knife is hidden amongst the pages. As in, a picture of a knife.

Well someone wrote in and said how careless it was to put a knife there and what if A KID FOUND THE KNIFE? Um, well, then the kid is the winner because THE KNIFE IS A PICTURE.

But anyway…

Those Quiznos ads. I’ve discussed them before. Well now people are saying that the ads are repulsing and, get this, suggest unsanitary conditions in the kitchen.

Huh?? What? How in the sam hell is an ad …

Some people don’t get hints

Monday, February 23rd, 2004

Ahh, let’s stop and go over the rules of work-related speaking etiquette, shall we?

Say someone, who happens to be a REPORTER, is sitting at her desk. She has Microsoft Word open and has headphones on. She is also typing something.

Do you:
A. Think “gee, she’s busy. I better leave her alone"?
B. Go over and bother her ass anyway, even though she has taken to ignorning you as of recent?

Why does this one guy insist on choosing B? I have my headphones on. Now, I may not be listening to anything (which I wasn’t, it was just a tatic to ignore this guy) but as a reporter, if I have the headphones on, it means that I’m trying to do work. If …

Someone’s gotta case of the gimmees!

Thursday, February 19th, 2004

It must be hard to make $250K a week and be having a baby! I can only imagine how stressed one must feel making all the arrangements for said baby.

So I guess that’s why Debra Messing has a baby registry. With a $120 sleeping bag for a baby. And a $200 high chair. And $10 baby sunblock.

Oh, Debra, you’re telling me you can’t buy that for yourself? It must be soo hard to be so rich. I just don’t know HOW YOU DO IT!

You know what, I bet she’s spending all that money on food. Because she is possibly the ugliest pregnant Hollywood person out there. I’ve thought that for awhile. Usually I see a Hollywood pregnant …

Still retarded…

Wednesday, February 18th, 2004

I’m just wondering how many times you can use the “I was out last week with sick kids” excuse before you become a complete and total moron?

Oh wait, what if you are already a complete and total moron to begin with?

I KNEW IT. PURE PUBLICITY STUNT.

Tuesday, February 17th, 2004

My child will not be allowed to play with those nasty Bratz dolls.

Basically, um. Yeah

Indeed, fresh from her break-up with Ken, Barbie will soon be sporting more fashionable clothes, such as insulated Ugg boots, the must-have winter item for real life fashionistas and stars such as Cameron Diaz. Mattel is also unveiling a new Barbie with ears that girls can pierce up to three times.

�Barbie�s had a head-to-toe makeover,” said Julia Jensen, a vice president in Mattel’s girls’ division. “She�ll be wearing clothes that girls are really wearing, new footwear, new coats.”

We all know how 8-year-olds wear Ugg boots and dress like cameron diaz. Okkkaaay.

Meanwhile, the Bratz pack, who have names like Yasmin and …

I should feel bad, but I don’t.

Monday, February 16th, 2004

So bossman finally had the cajones to show up again today. I was kinda enjoying our little vacation from him last week but unfortunately, it had to end.

I think he might have gotten his “talking to” already. He’s walking around like a lost little puppy dog. Remember, this guy is an EDITOR of a daily newspaper and always has “So much to do.” He can’t even be bothered to go to his desk today because he’s just walking around aimlessly.

Yeah, you have nothing to do after not showing up last week (except to infest us with your sick kid) and you dumped all your work on all of us. Then you send us this weak “thanks for helping out” …

Snot nosed bitches!

Monday, February 16th, 2004

I’ve heard rumors about the writers of the Nanny Diaries being horrible writers and huge bitches but this article really hit the point.

These chicks are WAAAYYY too into themselves and it’s people like THEM who make it impossible for someone like ME to get a damn publishing deal. Fuck, I can’t even get an agent.

They demand hairstylists for public appearances: Me? Hell, my husband cuts my hair in our bathtub with a tiny pair of scissors.

They refuse to write for the NY Times: Um, I think I’ve actually approached them once for a story idea. Yeah, Never Heard Back.

They don’t like what people tell them to do to their stories or op-ed pieces: I work for a bunch …

V stands for Vagina?

Friday, February 13th, 2004

Why I will tell my daughter that Valentines Day is complete shit.

It is so stupid. It’s a Hallmark holiday where guys feel pressure to give gifts and girls feel that if they don’t have a date or some flowers, then they are worthless. One of my dear friends was recently told by HER OTHER friends that if the guy she is dating doesnt take her out on the Hallmark Holiday, she should dump him.

Just read the best part of the article:

But it’s just not as much fun at the front door, says 16-year-old Priscilla Clousell.

“The exciting part about getting flowers and balloons is having someone there to see it,” said Clousell. “It’s a competition.”

Last year, Clousell wound up …

Yup, still sucks.

Thursday, February 12th, 2004

Oh, how would we guess that idiot bossman is out SICK today? Um, thanks asshole, for bringing both yours and your diseased kid’s asses in yesterday from 9-3.

Are you serious?

Wednesday, February 11th, 2004

Open letter to my boss:

So your child has been sick for THREE DAYS. Sick enough that you have to stay home with him. So if he is that sick, why in the sam hell would you bring him to work AND LET HIM SIT IN YOUR CUBICLE? You sit next to me, a pregnant chick who obviously has enough problemos to deal with without getting sick.

You must have shit for brains in order to even THINK about doing this. You tell US not to come to work sick, yet you bring in your snot nosed children (who I CAN SMELL) and expect us to be quiet about it.

Unsincerely,
The Sarcastic Journalist

The emails just keep coming today, kids.

Monday, February 9th, 2004

Thank you, Guy who is having a book signing and wanted to email me about it. So, I understand that your cihldren’s books are um, about grief.

But do you really need to share in your email (remember, this is a guy) that:
“My sister died two years ago from Toxic Shock Syndrome from a tampon.”

Have you ever heard of too much information???

Let’s start the week off right!

Monday, February 9th, 2004

Food for thought for my coworkers: Do not come to me every day and ask me “How little SJ is doing.” You know what? Things are NOT going to change that much every day. The baby is fine. She’s there. I’m here, so obviously leave me the hell alone.

Do not come and ask me this WHILE I’M OBVIOUSLY BUSY TYPING SOMETHING. I don’t care if it is an email. I’m in a train of thought here and I’d like to keep it going.

I know, I know. I seem like some heartless bitch. I’m not. What in the hell am I supposed to say to this guy? Yeah, I know he’s trying to be nice. But if I talk to him, …

Idiotgate

Friday, February 6th, 2004

What the ****???? How in the heck can that whole stupid nipple thingie cause “outrage, anger, embarrassment and serious injury.”

I thought it was funny. Inapproperiate, but funny. The outrage I’m feeling is from the fact that people can’t get over it. So we saw her “boob.” Big whoop. It’s a freaking BOOB.

If a parent is unable to tell their child “She’s a grown-up and did something she wasn’t supposed to do and she is going to be punished” well then, you need to grow some balls. Acting all shocked and appaled at this is just telling children that women’s bodies are something to be ashamed of and that a boob is evil.

Yes, it was stupid of her. It …

Sheesh…

Friday, February 6th, 2004

There’s nothing funny about this. That guy is a monster.

I think, if anything, this comfirms my belief that you should NEVER cooperate with someone in a situitation like this (well, maybe if they have a knife to your throat.) Cooperating with someone like this will just mean that they will find your body a few days later.

That’s it. I’m moving to Africa or something where people don’t speak my language.

Thursday, February 5th, 2004

I swear I’m going to have to get a private journal soon. Okay, I’m taking a big risk right now with what I’m about to post, but you know what? This is MY OPINION and it is MY BLOG and I’m offended and feel the need to share.

First of all, I think that the majority of people who read my site have a decent grip on the type of person I am. I’m SARCASTIC. I make inapproperiate jokes and I even SAY WHAT I THINK. That’s why I like sites of other preggos/moms like Suburban bliss, Dooce and My Bitchy Pregnancy. Actually, there are more but I’m too lazy to type in the links. …

Future politician?

Tuesday, January 27th, 2004

I’m So Tired of All This Shit. Seriously. Now I’m getting nice little emails from members of the teen page.

I have an article regarding a new emergency contraceptive as it relates to local teens ready for the page. Uhh, you never spoke with me about this. However, my emails and calls have been forsaken for some time. I respond to emails. Never recieved a call from you. Before sending this article, i would a) like to know when the next teen page meeting is, and b) recieve payment for my last article on music piracy that was published on January 12. Thank you for your response. Yeah, that’s getting you in good in my book. …

Ugg. Just Ugg.

Tuesday, January 27th, 2004

Okay, maybe I’m just sensitive when it comes to work. But I was supposed to get this workout routine for this guy I’m following the other day but The Gay Metro Editor told my source to send it directly to him. I figure, what the heck. Who cares?

But then today, I get said email he forwarded to me. Now, let me remind you, we’re supposed to be at work No Matter What.

So why in the sam hell is he writing this?

“Oh, please don’t do that. I doubt she’ll be in today.

Just send the workout routine and any other pertinent info to me at this e-mail.”

I find it a little rude.

Why I really don’t love my job…

Friday, January 23rd, 2004

There are some weird office politics going on in the Features Department, yo. I tell you, it’s creeping me out.

As you most likely know if you read this at all, Fumblenuts (the asst. editor) sucks. Nobody likes him, including Book Hoarder (my former boss, now just a co-worker, who is a plain out Bitch.)

However, Book Hoarder is mad at Bossman (aka, our main Features Editor) and thinks he does a sucky job. So, even though she talks mucho shit about Fumblenuts, she now kisses his ass and is rude to Bossman, who she used to be on good terms with. It’s now to the point where she talks shit about Bossman and continutes to talk shit about Fumblenuts when …

I*D*I*O*T*S what does that spell? Message board!!

Thursday, January 22nd, 2004

According to my pregnancy message board, I am now the anti-Christ for having to work. This lady even accused me of living a lavish lifestyle and being selfish! I pulled out my trusty pen and just ripped her a new one.

Though I admit I’m not living in a cardboard box, I really don’t consider our lifestyle lavish. My biggest splurge is going out to eat for dinner. And I’m talking about us splitting a burrito or getting cheapo burgers or something. Yes, last night I had a steak. BUT I’M FREAKING PREGNANT. SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO GIVE IN. Some of these women are Nazis, I swear. She tried to imply that I care more about my job or my …

What nerve!

Wednesday, January 21st, 2004

Just who do these Hollywood types think they are?

While at the Sundance Film Festival, Ashton Kutchner (will he ever go away?) liked the Caddy he was loaned so much (with DVD/CD player, TIVO, internet and 3 TV screens) that Cadillac is giving him one for LA, too!

Christina Applegate’s (who looks horrible in that pic, by the way) reaction to getting a 40 inch flat screen tv? “I know, I’ll put it in my gym!”

And Paris Hilton liked the $100K mercedes loaned to her so much that she didn’t return it. They finally sent out search parties and the vehicle was finally repo’d.

And they complain about their horrible little lives? These people wouldn’t last one minute in the …

Time to put the smack down.

Wednesday, January 21st, 2004

Okay, I’m giving up on this DMV shiznit. We went back this morning. The line was REALLY REALLY long. As in over 100 people in it. We drove over twenty minutes to ANOTHER city (which is KNOWN NOT to be full of the “non-white/non hispanic” type.) ANOTHER FULL Line.

The problem is that there is a new law that Mexicans have until Feb. to get their license using their green card or something. I don’t understand exactly. All I know is that there were LESS THAN FIVE non hispanic people in each of those lines. I know that these nice little hispanic people want licenses. BUT HELLO. SO DO I. It’s just not fair.

I’m sorry, but we have a horrible …

Excuse me if I seem a little rude.

Thursday, January 15th, 2004

I just don’t feel like I can get my act together. I’ve been really apathetic at work, which isn’t unusual, but it seems like I feel more so now than I’m used to.

I know I have stuff to do here. Really, I do. I have people to call, stories to write, articles to send out to people who are begging for me to do so. But I just don’t care. I just wrote one three-sentence paragraph and I feel like I’ve done enough.

It’s not hard for me to write. In fact, it is downright easy. So easy that most people would hate me if they knew how quickly I could throw something together that makes it …

Seriously, this is going too far.

Wednesday, January 14th, 2004

This article makes me want to throw up. Oh wait, I just did.

Bunless burgers? Why not just call them meat patties? If you are so damn worried about whatcha eat, your ass doesnt need to be getting fast food. And if you must, get a cheeseburger, small fries and a water. You’ll enjoy it a lot better.

Return of the stupid emails

Sunday, January 11th, 2004

You know what? I�m used to having a thankless job. Seriously, I am. It�s not that I like having people treat me like complete and utter shit, but I�m used to it. But� it still does not make things any better for me.

I�m not in a good mood right now. I had just came home from being out all day and had the pleasure of getting to throw up pizza. Let me remind you, it doesn�t taste good and I�m not a big fan of chunks of pizza getting caught in my esophagus. So, yeah, I feel bad. I feel like shit, I don�t feel good and I�m just doing my own thing as a human being.

So I check my …

I’m scared. I’m really, really scared.

Friday, January 9th, 2004

Okay, this is so weird. I’m sitting at my desk and I hear “Hey sunshine.” This sets off alarms. People in the newsroom do not call me “sunshine” for obvious reasons. So I turn around. I look at this lady standing behind me and think “Who the hell are you?”

She asks me if I cut my hair. Then she starts saying “I just wanted to thank you so much for the paperweight. It has helped me so much.” At this point, my jaw has probably dropped to the floor. Seriously. I think about said paperweight. Oh yeah, that piece of shit on my desk that she said she liked almost a year ago. I told her she could have it. …

Hint: I’m really ignoring you

Thursday, January 8th, 2004

I know now why I need an office. I need a freaking office so I can close the door and put up a sign that says “Do not disturb.” I need my own private bathroom so I can go to take a pee without someone trying to engage me in conversation while I sit on the potty.

I want to NOT sit next to the breakroom so people can have small talk with me. In case you don’t know…I hate small talk. Don’t ask me how I’m doing, because I am at work. I’m not happy to be here. I’m bored. I’m tired of stupid people who sit around me.

Can I just send him an email bomb?

Tuesday, January 6th, 2004

Ah, just another day in my retarded work space: (aka, fun with inner-office email)

(From Fumblenuts)
Dear staff,

Here�s a l;ist of items I need covered in the weeks ahead. If your name is beside it in parentheses, it means you have claimed it already. Any stories that are not claimed will be assigned as the date approaches. (attaches a long list of shit I’ve never heard of. It all sounds completely boring and I know NO ONE WILL READ IT or GO SEE IT.)

(From me, to Fumblenuts)
My observation, being the staff’s “young” person is….that I have never heard of any of these people, with the exception of Sinatra. Do we have ANYTHING that appeals to a younger crowd?

(From Fumblenuts to me)
These …

You made your (semen stained) bed. Now lie in it!

Monday, January 5th, 2004

What a crock of doggie doo!

What BS’s hubby said about their marriage idea:
“It was just crazy, man,” the 22-year-old told “Access Hollywood” in an interview at his home Monday morning. “And we were just looking at each other and said, ‘Let’s do something wild, crazy. Let’s go get married, just for the hell of it.’

What her annulment papers said:
“There are grounds for this court to grant an annulment … because plaintiff Spears lacked understanding of her actions to the extent that she was incapable of agreeing to the marriage,” the annulment papers said.

and

“Before entering into the marriage,” the petition said, “the plaintiff and defendant did not know each other’s likes and dislikes, each other’s desires to have or …

Anyone looking for a doggie?

Thursday, January 1st, 2004

HAPPY FREAKING NEW YEAR. Whoopy dee doo!

Last night, for the first time in a really long time, we celebrated with others. The same friends we always have come over and we ate Mexican food, played Trival pursuit and talked about babies stretching cooters.

Tonight, on the way home (After eating Arby’s 5 for 5) we saw a dog sitting on its ass. We laughed but then realized it couldn’t walk. So, we get out of the damn car, go over to the doggie and realize it has been hit by a car. So, my friend dials the number on the tag. (It’s a german shephard and its in our neighborhood.)

The asshat lady is all like “It’s my stepdaughters dog, …

Will my vacation start now, please?

Friday, December 19th, 2003

You know what? I don�t think I can ever get over the stupidity of the people I work with. So yeah, we had Secret Santas this week. Actually, I guess they did, because I never heard anything about it. At all. Not one single word until people start going �Are you my secret Santa SJ?�

Fuck no. I wasn�t even invited to join in on the festivities.

So, I just deal and ignore these people and am happy to know I didn�t have to play along and spend money on someone I don�t like, anyway. I really think the whole idea is pretty stupid.
But today I guess they had �Secret Santa� lunch. Basically everyone in the newsroom went. But me. Didn�t get …

How stupid can they be?

Thursday, December 18th, 2003

I’m watching MTV’s Rich Girls right now. I have NEVER ever seen such dumb people. Wait, the people who are all that dumb are ALL RICH. Shall we go over the idioticness I’m seeing?

(in Whole Foods)
“What kind of beans do you put in Mexican food?”
“I’m making nachos. what kind of cheese? What else goes in nachos?”
“I need someone to recommend me some rice.”

(at home, looking in full fridge in kitchen that’s bigger than my hold downstairs.)
“We have absolutely no food here. I need to be independent. I am going to make burritos. I dont know how to do that.”

(at home, crying on phone to dad while surrounded by oodles of toys and fun stuff from childhood)
“Do you understand how many …

darn it all to heck

Monday, December 15th, 2003

Damnit! I forgot to watch the damn Survivor Season Finale!!!

Anyone have a tape?

Crazy nazi flu propaganda!

Friday, December 12th, 2003

Wow, we all know that the flu kills thousands of people each year. But this year, we’ve got to start the paranoia bandwagon early.

Flu kills 82 year old woman! How dare the flu take the life of CHILDREN AND THE ELDERLY (as it always does?) Who cares that she had emphyzema and cancer? She died from the flu!!!

And, please, let’s keep on putting the stories out about “Flu patients clogging ERs!” Why don’t we just tell people to run to the ER if they get the sniffles? That’s what you’re saying!

Geesh. Personally, I will not jump on the propaganda bandwagon. This is all a bunch of crap. So what if it’s coming earlier and it’s a little …

Anybody have an email virus to spread?

Thursday, December 11th, 2003

Why I’m not a fan of PR people.
My message:
“please take me off the mailing list. i’m not sure how i got on in the first place and most of this can’t be used in our paper.”

The bitch’s reply?
“removed…i guess people in [state name] don’t wear flipflops?”

Um, no. Not in the middle of winter they don’t. And one damn email would be enough to tell me about them. But every freaking day? This chick is peddling like $500 makeup and crap, none of which I doubt the blue haired ladies who read our paper will actually use.

Working from home sounds good to me.

Thursday, December 11th, 2003

How to know that you don�t give a rats ass about your job:

You�re driving behind someone who you kind of recognize (how could you not? He has a mullet) by his nasty hairstyle and his driving sucks. So, even though you�re pretty sure it�s a co-worker, you zoom around him because he�s annoying you.

When you answer your phone, you sound like you�d rather be digging plots in a cemetery.

You�re happy when people are too busy to you because it means you don�t have to pretend to enjoy your job.

You want to go over to your loud talking co-worker and bang him on the head with his phone.

When someone makes a comment like �Oh I was told …

Put him out of his misery, please.

Tuesday, December 9th, 2003

I really can�t stand my “boss,” fumblenuts.

He was gone yesterday and all of his morning phone calls have sounded like this:
�Hi Carl, this is fumblenuts. Sorry I was gone but I�m allowed to take a vacation every once in awhile.�

He then asks us about the stupid weekly meetings that we are supposed to have but never actually do. The two of us here say we weren�t at it. So he goes �So, did Boss Man go over the assignments that I had on my list?� No retard. We weren�t there. We don�t know WHAT went on. So Boss Man comes in and Fumblenuts says �Did you go over the assignments on my list?� and Boss Man explains that nobody …

Never really liked the kid…

Friday, December 5th, 2003

How the hell is he 18 years old? He “puppy” looks like he’s about 10.

They’ve asked for it

Friday, December 5th, 2003

I’m just in a bad mood today. I know some of it is because I’m not taking my “happy/crazy pills” anymore, but I don’t care. So, my friends, here comes one hell of a rant. Enjoy!

** Did my doctor really just expect me to take these crazy pills for the REST OF MY LIFE?? i MEAN, I have prescription insurance and I was paying $30/month for them. I think that’s a little high.

** People on message boards still annoy me. Now in my Super Pissed Off state, I’m finally just talking crap back. I’ll probably get banned. Posts I have written: “Is there a reason why people don’t write the word boobs? Obviously we’re all adults who’ve had sex, …

And the stupid shall inherit the Earth

Friday, December 5th, 2003

Why are stupid people allowed to reproduce??????

This woman got 3 months house arrest after– get this– breast feeding her child while driving 65 miles per hour in her car.

But even more stupid is her claim to innocence:

“Donkers said her husband ordered her by cell phone to breast-feed their 7-month-old daughter to save time while she drove on the turnpike May 8. Police stopped Donkers after a trucker who saw her holding the baby on her lap called 911.
Donkers testified she did nothing wrong because the couple’s religious beliefs require her to follow her husband’s directives. They belong to the First Christian Fellowship for Eternal Sovereignty, which has a history of challenging the government.”

screw that. no man is …

my decision

Thursday, December 4th, 2003

Oh, I meant to tell everyone that I came to a decision last night about my job. I�m sticking it out until July for the insurance. Then, from there, I will leave. Its hard to stay here, to come and sit in an office that smells like poo (why does it smell like poo right now?) every day and not shoot someone.

And please don�t tell me about my attitude, because I don�t want to hear it. For someone who has been completely shit on by a job that she gave up a lot for, for someone who found out she is unexpectedly pregnant and feels down because she cant even get a damn agent for her book, well, I think …

Good times, good times, yeah!

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003

You know the people on the other side?? those people who seem to go through life without any sanity or thoughts of others?

Well, in honor of the CONSTRUCTION WORKERS who block my street THEN my driveway with their damn vehicles, I’m tempted to go to the other side just for a day.

Lets pee on the toilet seat and not wipe it up! Let’s take a huge dump in a public restroom and not flush! Let’s double park in the “good spots” at a crowded grocery store on an icy day. Let’s block other people’s driveways with our cars and leave dogs out to howl at night.

Whatdaya say? Seems like fun to me!

Who are these people I work with?

Wednesday, November 26th, 2003

I just had a nice convo with our new intern here. She told me she talked to our young resident overachiever, who I shall call Muddy Waters, and this is what MW says.
1. I will not date nor make friends until I work at the NY Times and am rich and famous.
2. Who is your favorite journalist?

My reply: 1. Uh, loser. I�m a lot happier with a hubby and a baby on the way. 2. Uh, the one who makes the most money? Or the one who quit?

My rant for da day

Wednesday, November 26th, 2003

Okie dokie. Here�s my �Pregnant women are stupid� vent. (Sorry to all you preggers out there, hopefully you�re not one of them.)

Stupid woman at doctor�s office this morning (on phone to husband): The packet says I can drink a coke! (hangs up phone.) Yes!
Later on, to nurse. �Is it safe to eat at Subway? How many months is 36 weeks?�
Stupid women on message board:
1. Can I eat turkey?
2. My cat is jumping on my stomach! Will it hurt the baby?
3. Is it okay to tell my mom before my mother in law?
4. Oh no! I took pepto bismol!

Also, everyone is soooo afraid of hurting anyone�s feelings. TMI= too much information. �Sorry if this is TMI.� Well biznitch, you got …

People can be so stupid!

Tuesday, November 25th, 2003

How to annoy me in no time flat:

EMAIL FROM WEDNESDAY:

I live in England. I have been a great fan of the rock group GROUPIE
since I first saw them live back in 1969. As well as collecting records and
videos, I also keep newscuttings of previews, interviews and reviews from
around the world. In recent years the internet has proved very helpful in my
search for such articles, and that was how I found on your website your
preview of MUSICIAN “Rubbing Elbows” show at the PLACE,
including a typically entertaining interview with MUSICIAN himself, under the
headings “BLANK wants spontenaity; no tape measures please".

Although I have printed the text of the interview from the website, I would
much prefer to …

Yeah, thanks but no thanks.

Friday, November 21st, 2003

Oh no! They’ve made an inner-office memo, just because of little old me….

“Just a quick dress code reminder for the winter months: I know the office is cold some days, particularly during the winter. If you are cold in the office (like me), please bring a cardigan or pullover sweater. Sweat jackets and sweat shirts are not appropriate during business hours. Thanks for everyone’s help on complying with this.”

Um, so yeah. Why exactly did I get a write up instead of a cute little memo??? Oh right. BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL ASSHOLES.

dead serious here.

Thursday, November 20th, 2003

Okaaay PETA, this is a little harsh:

work is for bastards

Tuesday, November 4th, 2003

I. Hate. Work.

Nope, don’t even want to be here. Why? Because, besides working my normal 8 hours today, I’m working 4 more tonight so I can be off Friday afternoon when my parents come.

I’m now in the state where I get tired just sitting. Working for 12 hours isn’t going to do it for me. I just HATE WORK.

PR people rant

Friday, October 31st, 2003

Ugg, I’m having to deal with the most stupid PR person. Actually, PR people in general are just idiotic with IQs less than a flea, but I will continue.

Her stupid client didn’t call for the interview yesterday. (You see, he HAD TO CALL ME.) And since yesterday was a bit crazy, I didn’t really care.

So she calls and is all like “la la, can he call you tomorrow?”
I tell her with a very flat voice: “No. I don’t work on Saturdays.”

I write freaking FEATURES. Features, people. I do not work on Saturdays or Sundays. Don’t call my ass at 8pm on Friday and expect me to be here. Nor at 630 Sunday morning. Don’t even MENTION the idea of a …

Random health vent

Thursday, October 23rd, 2003

I’m so frustrated with my health right now….or actually, my body…

I just got done running (a mile…only a mile) and really felt like i had a ton of bricks on my chest. its cool here, no humidity but i had to stop twice. i’m still coughing 30 minutes later….grr….i’ve also been nausious and having indigestion/stomach pains….

Why can’t i just get something simple like a stupid cold?

Somebody fire the man, already

Thursday, October 23rd, 2003

Please don’t let it be one of those days.

It’s 9am, I’m sitting at my desk under the new light they put above me, making me feel like I’m sitting in some cruel tanning booth. Anyway, Fumblenuts walks up to me. My back is turned. I’m looking at the computer.

He just begins to talk, like I KNOW he’s there. “IS the candy apple pictures going to be ready?”

“We’re not taking them till tomorrow afternoon.”
“Oh…uhh….uhh…uhh….(mumbles something). Will it be ready for next week?”
“No. You should shelve it.”

He keeps on going. I’m not even looking at him at this point because I just want to hit him. I want to yell, “Look, you stupid ass Fumblenuts. It doesn’t puppy matter whether or not …

Um, we need some help here.

Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003

Search engines are weird things. Take this search, for example.

It was a search that brought someone to my old blog. Who the hell searches for “Humping my mother?”

Damn, I need to be careful about what I write on these things. I do not have a site meter on this blog, so really, I have no idea how many people come here a day or how you’re getting here, how long you’re staying or what color underwear you’re wearing.

I’m just a little ol’ dogg, sitting near the bright box, typing like a maniac.

growing tired…must find new stupid muse

Tuesday, October 21st, 2003

You know what I’m tired of? Those damn Jessica Simpson “Chicken by the sea” comments.

Yes, we all know she’s a ditz. Any time the girl opens her mouth her IQ drops at least 10 points. And of course, she’s milking this baby as far as it can go. There’s been the countless interviews. Countless “trivia’ questions where she has to identify who the president is and whatnot.

But now, she’s gone to the Chicken of the Sea business offices and stopped in on a staff meeting.

Oh ha ha! That girl, oh she’s funny! Look at yet another publicity stunt! Woah, haha, I gotta stop myself! This is so damn funny. This is like the damn grand wizard of …

Internal Memo

Monday, October 20th, 2003

I work with idiots.

Here’s an email from Fumblenuts, my “boss.”

“We’re missing a book of Letters by Ronald Reagan that was on the file cabinet this morning. If anyone has seen this, please give it to me or BOSS GUY. We’d like to try and review it for the Books page.
Thanks”

Less than five minutes later….

“Me culpa. I fall on my sword.
I found the Reagan book buried under a load of other books.”

Hey dumbnuts, why dontcha go through the stuff on your desk before you walk around accusing all of us in your non-confrontational way that we took the book?

She’s a mean one, that SJ

Thursday, October 16th, 2003

Oh, I just love getting to play the wicked witch of the west….

(drum roll, please)

and now, the email I just had to send to our teens!!!

Hello all,

Again, I just had a meeting where three people showed up. This can’t keep happening. It is not fair to me, Boss Man or the three that took the time to drive up here and discuss the Teen Page with me.

I don’t know why people aren’t coming and really, I’m not in the mood to hear it. I accept that perhaps you forgot, as it is very easy to forget. I often forget to send out the “Please come to the meeting” emails but that doesn’t give you a reason not to …

Work sucks.

Wednesday, October 15th, 2003

I don’t even know why I bother. Why I bother coming in here if all my work is going to be viewed as crap and not taken seriously.

The paper makes this BIG deal each year about entering these contests and submitting our work and blah blah blah. So, as usual, I submit my work and enter these contests.

We had 115 entries for our paper. We have about 40 people on staff, give or take a few that I didn’t count. I turned in many stories, many of which I thought were good and was proud of.

Only 1 entry made it in the contest. A stupid book critique. Now, there’s this brown-nosing girl (she graduated college at the age of 27, …

me no know poetry

Thursday, October 9th, 2003

Ever wanted to be a poet? How bout an INTERNATIONAL POET?

NO fun can be had

Wednesday, October 8th, 2003

You know when you try to be funny/nice/friendly at work and it backfires? I’m wondering if that’s happening to me right now.

there’s this guy I work with. He’s nice, we chat, he’s also pretty young. So he’s talking to fumblenuts who is all “um, yeah, um, yeah” just like in the movie OFFICE SPACE.

So I send said guy an email and the title is “sarcastic question” and the subject is “um, yeah…yeah…um…yeah. Have you ever seen office space?”

and the dildo doesn’t answer me. So I look like some idiot sending out weird emails through the office! BASTARDS!

crazy lady update

Tuesday, October 7th, 2003

So I call crazy dog lady. She tells me she didn’t want me to write story. She starts asking questions. I’m going to post the question, my answer and her response below so you can see what a loon this lady is.

Have you grown up with animals?
1. Yes, my parents always had dogs around when I grew up.

Do you have one?
2. No, but I would like one but they’re a big responsibility.

What kind would you want?
3. Oh, maybe a daschound, my mom has those. Or a lab.
hER: DID SHE BUY THEM FROM A BREEDER?
4. Um (yeah she did but didnt say so) she had two and they had puppies so we ended up with four dogs.

DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT …

news flash

Tuesday, October 7th, 2003

….Breaking News…..

I just got an assignment to write about some local lady who has a book about dogs. She wanted a specific writer–Food Guy– to write the story.

Bossman said No, SJ will do it. She is now on the phone with him and is griping because she doesnt want me (someone she doesnt KNOW) to write the story because I DO NOT HAVE PETS.

Either that, Or I specifically don’t have a dog. I’m serious people. This is the kind of crap I DEAL WITH ON A DAILY BASIS.

He’s saying “I think she’s a very good reporter. We have a small staff and I think she’s a very good writer. She’s very fair, blah blah.”

AHH! What is up with people?

It goes with the territory

Monday, October 6th, 2003

The problem with emailing bloggers about being in your story is that they may end up talking about you in their blog:

“So I got the strangest email today that I haven�t responded to yet. Apparently there is a writer in MY CITY who is doing a newspaper article on people who blog (online journal) about religion and religious topics. I�m not sure what the exact focus of the article is, but I�m not sure if I want to do it if it is for real. Catholics make nice tagrets in the AREA OF THE COUNTRY and in the media as of late.”

If it is for real? Damn, girl. I sent you an email THROUGH my WORK EMAIL and included all …

missing a baby, anyone?

Friday, October 3rd, 2003

Does anyone watch Friends?? Well, I do and now that I’m out of college I try to NEVER miss an episode.

Remember last season when it was all about the baby? I hated that. It annoyed me. But, whats annoying THIS season is that the baby doesnt exist. Ross and Rachel are in the same room…no baby. Where’s the baby?

Monica and Chandler are at some people’s house and Phoebe is with her brother. They don’t have any other friends. Where in the sam hell is the baby??

EEK!

Monday, September 29th, 2003

I’m sitting at my desk, staring at the computer. I hear a voice near me that’s talking. Oh. No. It’s Fumbly Boss.

He is just so plain annoying! For him to say even ONE SENTENCE worth of stuff, it will take 10 minutes. Why does he just walk up to you and start talking? I mean, hello– shouldn’t we make eye contact or couldn’t he say my name?!?!?!?!?!?

Last week, he was absent one day (he’s diabetic, it turns out.) He comes to work and says “Sorry I wasn’t here. This time yesterday I was throwing up and it wasn’t pretty.”

Do we really need to know that? How can someone so socially inept become editor??

don’t Save Karyn.

Monday, September 29th, 2003

When I was a kid, I vividly remember going with my Mom to the bank only to find out she had about $3.00 in there. I remember her getting upset, yelling and aruguing about what had happened to the money.

I then remember her telling me she had to pay off $25,000 in credit card debt and that we’d have to live meagerly for awhile. You know, Wal-Mart cookies that are supposed to be Oreos– the whole deal. For a 13-year-old in a rich town with rich friends who never had problemos, well, it just didn’t seem fair.

This lasted until high school, when my Mom threatened to have to sell my Oldsmobile every month (it had been a drivers Ed car …

casting couch..er..I mean call

Thursday, September 25th, 2003

Would you want to look like a Stepford wife?

You know, the movie? Well, they’re auditioning for them in Connecticut right now. Seems as if people aren’t really having to play make believe to be a Stepford wife. All these 28-year-old mothers of two who are married to pediatricians and lawyers (and are skinny as hell) and drive beamers have no problem. They just have to go about their daily lives.

And then it hits me. There’s no way in hell I could ever become an extra in that movie. I mean, I’m kinda short (5′5) and though I’m normal in body weight, I dont exactly weigh 110 pounds. I dont have long, thick hair…okay, enough. This is depressing me. …

Stupid girl alert

Thursday, September 25th, 2003

I saw the Bachelor on TV last nigt— totally by accident, let me remind you.

I’m sorry, but this show is just so weird. Degrading, for one. I dont care HOW SUCCESSFUL or WONDERFUL these girls think they are, but they’re not. you’ve degraded yourself to the point of going on a TV show to catfight over some guy who IS UGLY??? geesh.

It’s girls like this one that really get my goose.
” I am at a great place in my life and I am ready to share it with someone special. That someone is Bob.”

How the hell do you know its Bob? You’ve never met him! He could be really charming on TV (hello, editing) and in …

I hear little bells…

Wednesday, September 24th, 2003

Ding…ding….

What’s that sound? Oh no! It’s the crap meter saying “Here’s another reason not to workout!”

Seems as if some women don’t like exercising in front of mirrors.

I’m such a narcissist (spelling, anyone?) I get a real kick outa watching myself lift weights/work out, etc. The trick is NOT TO WEAR TOO TIGHT CLOTHES, YOU FAT ASS. Hee hee.

Seriously. I wear my shorts and my running shirt. Pin my hair back. Reminds me I’m not fat and that I look (for the most part,) GOOD.

No thank you, I’ll pass

Wednesday, September 24th, 2003

Again, another reason I’m happy I’m no longer Catholic.

Seems as if the Vatican makes sure that NO ONE has fun during church.
-no clapping
–no singing
–no alter girls
–no poetry
–no self service communion
–no wine, just wafer

I mean, come on. Catholic churches are as boring as they can get. That’s why I like being Baptist. Singing, whatever…its better than standing, kneeling and doing the sign of the cross at exactly the same time at each Mass.

No title. Just rant.

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2003

I. HATE. SOCCER.

seriously, I do. I think its a dumb game filled with way too into it parents like the ones that work in my office. Why in the heck is it necessary to come to work and then discuss your kids’ games with each other like it was Monday night football?

Nobody wants to hear it. I come to work and hear “Oh, well my kid scored a goal. and the game was good blah blah.” and “Oh the boys are doing great. We did warm ups etc… blah blah….”

It’s like me saying “OH my husband got to the 59th level in his computer game last night! And then he killed the dragon and saved the princess!”

If you have …

not again

Monday, September 22nd, 2003

We went to Wal-Mart yesterday. I know, I know. Trust me.

It wasn’t that bad until we got to the checkout. Of course, we get in the slow lane and end up standing there forever. So, the lady in front of us has only a few items. (She’s Asian, just so you can get an idea in your head of who this lady is.) So I see her son (about 8-10 perhaps?) pick up some gum. Then I see her reach into her purse and pull out a $1. All of this in slow-mo, because we KNOW what that means……

She’s going to “let” the kid “Pay for the gum himself.”

So, she checks out her stuff and pays with a debit card. …

Jimmy craps corn and I don’t care

Friday, September 19th, 2003

Ahh, I knew it would happen eventually. I’ve been expecting it.

I finally had my first little internet tiff because of a comment left on my blog. Now, first, people. Let me explain this. I started blogging when I moved here as a way to write down what I think. Over time, it became something funny to do at work and a way to just share funny/rude/interesting things I come across every day.

If I post a picture of say, someone I know, it may not be because I want you to say “Oh what a wonderful beautiful life you have there.” I know I have a wonderful, beautiful life. I have a good job. I’m successful and a homeowner of …

OH MY GOSH

Thursday, September 18th, 2003

Umm. I have a problem. I also have my own domain name, as some of you know. Like one with my REAL name on it. (No, my parents didn’t dub me SJ on my birth certificate.)

I just clicked on my domain name and it went to a PENIS ENLARGEMENT SITE! What in the hell is going on? Can someone please help me? If you know the site, go to it and tell me if it’s showing up on yours as well! WHAT THE PUPPY???

Don’t press send, no wait..Do!

Monday, September 15th, 2003

I hate guys like this one.

Hello, if you’re going to spout off an email about how superior you are to your girlfriend ("I was planning on ruining your career by making phone calls to all of my parents friends and have you blackballed from the workplace as well as every prestigous law school in the country") then maybe, just maybe, you should learn some grammar and spelling.

This dude is a complete ass. I hate people who think that they are soooo superior– you are a FREAKING INTERN! AN INTERN! You GO TO COLLEGE ON MOMMY AND DADDY’S MONEY!

And besides, what type of breakup is this? He never really said “I’m breaking up with you.” I mean– he …

I HATE PR PEOPLE!!!

Tuesday, September 9th, 2003

Ugg. So I was working on this story about kids in the hospital for our kids page. Well, my boss wanted to turn it into a lifestyle story, which meant that we would need to re-work the entire thing because basically, i wrote it for little kids.

Well, the I told the PR person what we needed. She emailed back with a half assed “come visit for one hour” answer when we asked for a day. I say no, need more. She emails back:

“I’ve talked about your story with my boss, and at this point we just don’t think we can start all over again with a new story. We’ve already put a lot of time into this and …

What the heck?

Tuesday, September 9th, 2003

Wow, this makes me (not) want to go out and buy a CD for $17.

You know those lawsuits against file swappers??? A 12-year-old girl is one of the people being sued.

Good Lord. This kid thought she was allowed to download because her mom had paid some $$ for a file swapping service.

So lets all go out and pay tons of $$ so some crappy ass band can stuff their pockets even more and use $100 bills as toilet paper.

Sounds like a great idea to me!

Retarded coworkers

Tuesday, September 9th, 2003

Ugg, I have a HORRIBLE coworker. I call her book hoarder (horde?) she was my former boss who is now just a co-worker. Why she did that, I don’t know. I wish she’d quit.

So anyway, this weekend I cut my hair (which was one lengh and almost b/w my chin and shoulders) off. It’s short. And “artsy.”

So my co-worker makes little snide comments yesterday and I just try to ignore her. So today, I didn’t “fix” my hair– instead letting it just be normal, which doesn’t involve styling products or curling irons.

She stands up, looks over at my cubicle at me and says “You did NOT cut your hair again.”
I look at her. “No, this is how it is …

Not pushing the right buttons

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003

I like email as much as the next gal….

But, if I don’t like to receive forwards from people I KNOW in real life…why would I want to receive a forward from you, person who I happened to have a few email exchanges with????

I don’t mind emailing, really. But, I’m not looking for a new email pal. Yes, I might hit reply a few times and converse with you. But don’t keep on emailing, even after I stop replying.

So, seriously, people. Email away. Be funny. But don’t email me with a “100 reasons why we’re old now” email forward that tells me to “pass it on to 20 people I know.” I’m not old. I don’t want to reminise …

Adventures in potted meat

Wednesday, August 20th, 2003

Okay, why am I still getting spammed? 59 spams last night. I may usually get one. Literally every minute I’m getting a new one. Blah.

But anyway, onto the real fun stuff. We went to a movie last night for me to review. The medallion, if you must know. And it sucked. Plain and simple. Don’t waste your time. It’s getting an F from me.

So anyway, they brought in these people to do karate before the movie. It was one of those times that even though I wasn’t doing anything embarrassing, I was still very embarrassed.

So this kid pulls out a wooden cane and he is supposed to fight this girl with it. Before they even start, the loser …

I like my spam on bread.

Tuesday, August 19th, 2003

What did I do wrong?

I hardly ever get spam at work. Since I’ve been here this morning, I’ve probably gotten at least 15 spam emails in 50 minutes. whats up with this??

Its called stress medicine for a reason

Monday, August 18th, 2003

Ugg. I’m out of “stress medicine.” That means that I can feel that tight pain in my chest as I sit here at work, procrastinating.
I’m currently on hold with Major Medical Hospital as I contact their billing services about my bill. Seems as if they actually want me to PAY!

I called in and got one of those computers that sound like a person who is supposed to answer your questions. They never do. You’re supposed to say your account number clearly.

Well, it turns out she doesnt like the sound of me sighing. She’s all “I’m sorry, I didn’t understand you. Please repeat.”

She also doesn’t like it when I mutter the F-word. Then I yell again at computer voice woman, and …

Umm, hello??

Friday, August 15th, 2003

Okay, three people have been shot sniper style at convienance stores in West Virginia….but the real MAIN news on Fox News is that the NE people have their power back.

Yeah. Stupid. As long as it’s not in a big city, who cares?

Questions comments? Talk behind my back, please.

Friday, August 15th, 2003

I just got evaluated. My boss didn’t say I slack off too much. Overall, I’m doing an 8.5/10 which isn’t too bad.

The real fun part of the evaluation was other’s perceptions of me. Turns out that nobody likes me. Ok, well, nobody of importance likes me. Yeah. The bosses. They don’t like my humor, my sarcasam, my funny comments.

My boss says I’m energetic. He thinks I liven up the newsroom. Others think not so and basically want me to smile and pretend to be an ass kisser like everyone else.

Can’t we all tell how excited I am? I’m surprised I didn’t cry, even though I thought I felt tears coming on at one point. It’s a bunch of bureaucracy. It’s …

That’s the night when the lights went out in Georgia

Friday, August 15th, 2003

Ok, so NYC doesn’t have power. So don’t many other cities. But all I see on the news is NYC. Since when did half of the NE population not matter anymore?

Yes, it sucks. You don’t have power. Last Dec. my state didn’t have power for UP TO 12 DAYS. And IT WAS SNOWING OUTSIDE. There wasn’t major breaking news. Nobody gave a rats ass about us. I really do feel for people stuck in elevators and subways and the people in hospitals who need power.

But, I do not live in NYC. Why are we forced to listen to press conferences on the radio about it? And, TV news. Lets think about it. If you have TV– you have power. This …

Pressure. Pushing down on me. Pressing down on you.

Wednesday, August 13th, 2003

I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the vacation. I just don’t want to work. I don’t want to be here. I just wish I were a professional novelist already.

I have to explain to people all the time that its not that I hate my job, because I don’t. Its that I’m not suited for this type of work ethic. I have a bad work ethic. I’m creative. This isn’t.

I know i’m doing well. But its hard, I guess I start to feel like “poor little rich girl.” Oh, poor me. I have a good job right out of college. Like, I have a friend whose main problem was that her parents wanted to bring her to Vegas on her …

Left lane closed. Merge to the right.

Wednesday, August 13th, 2003

Ugg. I’m back from my vacation to Tejas. Yes, I had a wonderful, fun filled time that I’ll get into later. But, for now, I’m in the mood to blog about something else.

Anyway, we had one of THOSE flights today. You know, its a tiny ass little airplane that we get to ride in to fly literally 1/2 way across the country. The puddle jumper with lawnchairs for seats. So, we get on the plane late - that should be the first sign, after offering to give up our seats for free tickets if we take a later flight, though they didn’t need us to do so (they never do.)

We sit on the runway for an hour. That’s an hour …


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